N+2 Collage.

Dracula and His sister.

Mistake.

The path I have taken in life is a mistake. Or so I feel at times. I guess, it must be case with many people out there. What went wrong? (or I feel so at times)

I could have ended making more money.
I could have learnt more.
I could have lead a more peaceful life.
I could have had more fun in life.
I could have more satisfaction.
......................................

Is there is "RIGHT" path? I suspect. If you concentrate too much on money, you will not get girls. If you concentrate too much on girls, you will end up stupid. ..
It's always a trade off.
We win some, lose a lot. :)
Unless one is exceptionally lucky, one always ends up with lot fewer things than one thinks he/she deserves. ;)

IPOD Nano.

I am a convert. And I am not ashamed to say so. I absolutely love IPOD nano. The user interface, or is it usability...is superb. There are good reasons why APPLE is successful. It isn't fluke. Enough of it.
The oher day I read an interview of Bill Gates. When asked about success of Ipod, he was saying something which goes like this. " Apple tasted success wtih a great product. But look at best digital product that's in market now. XBOX 360. TO tranfer music from one gadget to another. Anywhere in home...."
Huh, I don't think there is anybody who wants to carry a XBOX 360 in his pocket. Why do these big business guys refuse to admit their failures or success of others?
I know there are many people who hate microsoft for myriad reasons. There is every chance that I am inspired by them. But I have my own reasons not to like Microsoft.
I don't want to talk about crashes, data losses,.. They typically over promise, under deliver,..
Why they didn't care to update Internet Explorer for so long till Firefox became a credible alternative.
Why my Hotmail had only 2 Mb of storage for eons. Why my Gmail account of few months old has no single spam mail in Inbox and Hotmail has only spam? Why does it take competition to appear to improve your services.
I can go on and on. I am foced to believe that Microsoft isn't a positive factor for world. Reliance:India::Microsoft:World

Porky's

It's a movie name. I don't why I bought it. But I am happy I did that. It's about college kids (or is it high school). Various events that share a common thread. It's a comedy. Not the kind one can watch with parents. ;)
I highly recommend the movie. Yeah, you can start decreasing rating for my sensibility. :)
Couple of scenes were too good. Let me make copies and send to friends. Cheap. Let me buy at Amazon and send them. That sounds better.

Friends.

I have great friends. Thanks to each of them.

At 00:30 hrs.

Somebody sends me an SMS which goes like this.
Truth of life - " We make them cry who care for us, we cry for them who never care for us and we care for them who will never cry for us .." good night...
Who's the sender? I hope it's not my wife. ;) Let me think about this. I am not making anybody cry. And I am not worth crying for. I do care for some people. I will call each of them tomorrow and find out if they cry for me or not. And finding out people who care for me and for whom I don't cry is a bi difficult. If you feel, yu are one of them, please intimate me and send me a small vial of glycerene.
Let us spend time crying for each other. :)
Good Night, after such an SMS. :)

Profound issues.

There had been a time, when I used to read lot of stuff and try to make sense out of all that crap. :) Like reading a book about philosophy and try to come up with my own theory. Reading a good novel and imagining that, I am going to write one. It's like watching a movie and dreaming that, you will behave te same outside the theatre. It's stupid, right? Dressing, behaving, thinking ..based on some other sources. Basically copying/ deriving from other sources.
Ofcourse, it's very, very difficult to be original. Out of billions who existed in this world, how many can claim to have been original?
A cut & Paste job follows.
http://www.domspe.org/fight_club/soc_fightclub.html

"Jack spends his days at a job he despises and his nights ransacking mail-order catalogs, desperate to give some meaning to his life all the while giving himself severe insomnia. As Tyler proclaims at a particular session of Fight Club: "We are an entire generation pumping gas - waiting tables - slaves to the white collars. Advertisement has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we don't need." (Fincher 1999) These men, gray-collar workers are proletarians, "people who sell their productive labor for wages." (Macionis 196) In reference to stratification, gray-collar employees are higher than blue-collar employees but are still serving the capitalists above them. They can never achieve the advertised ideal because according to the social-conflict paradigm "stratification provides some people with advantages over others" thus causing an overwhelming sense of alienation due the reality of their powerlessness. (Macionis 196)"

J.

I can do few things. But just don't want to. I may look less intelligent for not learning. I am quite comfortable with that. I don't want to be sucked into single minded stupidity.

Random things.

I got a new DVD player. Samsung slim .. It looks nice. Hope itworks for atleast 3-4 yrs. Watching a movie called czech dream. Like any other european movie, it's different and I liked whatever I saw till now.
Am I reading anything these days? Hmm, downloaded couple of patents yesterday. Work related stuff. Need to read them and egg somebody else to work on them. ;)
Oh, I have so much to read, don't know where t start and hence not starting. :)
Copying DVD for my sons, since they destroy any DVD in 3-4 months. How am I spendin my time? One way of looking at it, I am wasting it. Another way, I am just doing random non monetary stuff. :)
I need to do something significant. It's long overdue. Perhaps in 2006.
I was mentioning about Fahrenheit game a while ago. I got stuck on one level, where a lot of buttn mashing is required. Guess, my fingers aren't so nimble. Plan to complete it this weekend. But game was nice.
Let me talk about Czech Dream movie a bit. 2 young filmmakers create a fictious hypermarket and advertise it heavily. About the opening , that is. They create a logo, installed bill boards, ..create buzz.
And when finally the day arrives, lot of people come to shop, to find out that, there's nothing there. Oh, wait, there's just scaffolding. They feel betrayed. They question filmmakers about motives. What's the moral, lesson? Go figure out.
I didn't waste time by watching this,like I wasted time yesterday by watchin some stupid movie "club dread".

Old age, Google.

I never liked old age. I wanted t die young. To be more precise, before 32. That leaves me aother 2-3 yrs.Now I am not sure, because I want my kids to be wise and it will not happen if I die. ;)
Kidding apart. Old age is a pain. Losing attractiveness, pains, ailments, diseases, dependence,.. It's painful to see neglected senior citizens.
I was reading a blog today which mentioned about school children adopting senior citizens. Basically spending some time with them. It's such a nice concept, though western in nature.
People may say Indians are different, we respect parents and all. I don't believe in that. If things were really so, they are no longer so. There are many neglected parents, there are many old age homes, there are many living in solitude. Since welive in repressive society, we don't discuss any thing and just assume thateverything is under control.
Let me talk about myself. I have neglected may parents for 3 -4 yrs. I guess, they recognised that. I am doing fine now. But I can do a lot better. It's everybody's luck that my parents don't have ailments that are normal to their age. Like BP, Sugar.. Perhaps they didn't go for diagnosis. I can spend more time, I can make them do things that are essential for their age. I behaved like an escapist till now. Yeah, I am doing fine at emotional level. Keeping them happy. But for the same state to continue for a while, certain things need to be done. I wish, somebody invents cure for death soon.

Coming to second topic, Google. Google seems to be doing one too many mistakes these days. It had bought 5% stake in AOL for $1 billion. I don't have problems with that. Problem is news that agreement which includes preferential treatment to AOL content in search results. Yuck.
A while ago, whe I was reading the book "Google Story", it had this episode where promoters of Google very aggresively outbid Yahoo in some European deal, by offering better terms even as Yahoo was under illusion that, it got the deal.
Aggression is ok, but losing basic character isn't.
Perhaps, I am bing too naive here. Commenting about a complex deal in very simplistic terms. Hopefully.

Lok Sabha to discuss Ganguly sacking

Mr Somnath Chatterjee, I had some respect for you. Now you lost that.
http://in.rediff.com/cricket/2005/dec/16sabha.htm

Don't you have better things to do? Ganguly is unfailry sacked. What's so unfair? He scored 79 runs in previous match with one life in the first innings. he took too many balls to score that, apprently due to low confidence or selfishness and not to build partnerships.
Sachin too is nearing a point where his sacking can be discussed without making many people angry.
If Ganguly is really good, let him prove himself again. There are too many in history more wronged than him, and Lok sabha never discussed about them.
Gurdas Dasgupta, Somnath Chatterjee, and all oher bengalis supporting Ganguly, please don't behave like anti nationalists. Enough said, I am sleepy. Don't want to waste my time over you people.

Dates.

I am so very poor with dates that it's not even funny. I don't remember any important days. Bdays of friends, anniversaries, festivals..I am not even sure of no of days each month has. I am talking about 30/31 day months, not february.
It's probably due to apathy. I mean, nothing will seriously go wrong due to my pathetic sense of calendar. I forget even when some friend says it's going to his b'day in next 2 days or so.
Ultimate example. I was telling a friend that I don't know the no of days in MAY. 30/31. My wife who overheard the conversation asked me "Are you sure you don't know?". I said "yeah". May 31st is our marriage day. :( Can anybody goof up worse than that?
Why all this now? Yesterday my 1st son was listing all b'days of household members. People tell me (and I agree) that he is after me. Not in this case. Ths particular gene is from his mother or some ancestor, not from his mutated , genetically deficient (in this particular case) father. :)

Quanta & $100 Laptop.

http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=115&art_id=qw1134645483196B235

I am talking about MIT Media Lab's inititative to provide computing to poor kids of world. Enough introduction. I am so excited about the whole stuff. I don't care about numbers it's going to sell. I am happy that, it's possible. It will be a proff that real good things can be provided cheaply if only one is willing to share and work with others.
Why should Planes be so expensive? Why should automobiles be so expensive? We need open source of everything. Design of evrything. Atleast offset by 5 yrs. That is a car which is 10 yrs old and is no longer selling in western markets can probably be produced very cheaply for other nations since all assets must have been depreciated by then.
Same with computers. Same with machinery. With books. With initiatives likes Google print, wikipedia, $100 laptop, open source OS, applications, Hardware designs, there is after all a hope for world. :)

Coordinates.

12 54 04 North 77 37 43 East
15 28 22 North 78 27 24 East
17 27 58 North 78 25 36 East

Et Tu , Google.

What has Google Earth got to do with homepage on Internet Explorer? I thought, there is a good reason fr everything Google does.

Ipod Nano.

Disclaimer.
I am not into music much as some of my friends are.

Now to the story. I have an IPOD shuffle. And it's used by my girl. I love that small beauty. Engineering cannot be more simple and elegant.
Recently one of my friends called me from US and asked me "What do you want, an IPOD or a PSP?". God bless all such friends.
Since PSP still has no pirated games, I preferred IPOD. I am a gadget freak. That's the only wasteful expenditure I am involved in.
My friend sent me a 2 GB IPOD nano. Let me confess, I wasn't very impressed by looks. Compared to shuffle that is. I didn't care to probe much. It remained in package for 3 weeks.
The committee at home had decided that it will go to my co-brother as his b'day gift. :) Some utility. So I wanted to load some songs. Started chargin the thing. It charged, charged and then charged. and even after so many watts it wasn't behaving straight. It had some icon which wantes me visit the support pages at APPLE website.
Non working DVD drive on my laptop and one previously registered ipod & itunes didn't help matters much.
So I had to con my second son into leasing me their (kids') laptop for a while.IPOD+ITUNES cd installtion went smoothly. IPOD recognition happened without a hitch. Did a restore and lost few telugu songs my friend from US installed either for testing purpose or listening pleasure.
I got a pristine IPOD nano. Time to test all the features. Click wheel took a while to get used to. Vertical scrolling & Horizontal scrolling doesn' work at times. It is not supposed to, I guess. Finger has to move around circumference. Photos, will upload in next 30 mts and see if small screen does really work? Calendar, contacts, notes, to-do ..transferring from outlook, PIM.. sounds superflous to me. We have mobiles which can do all that in a better way.
How could I forget games? It has 3 games and 1 music quiz. Either I am very clumsy or games aren't for IPOD. Controls somehow didn't feel right for me. The responsiveness I mean. This aspect should probably be tested by my games crazy 5 yr old one.
I should search web if more games are available for Nano. There should be. Other features for music like playing lists, shuffle, categorisation...are not for me. Let me leave them to rightful owner.
Did I say I started liking the feel of this gadget. Having to have plastic over screen to avoid scratches is a minor irritation. In short, a gadget you will not regret buying (or your friend gifting it to you instead of PSP (as on now)).

I do like some songs. The reason I don't listen to them is I don't want to confirm suspicions of my colleagues and subordinates that I am really a lazy person pretending to be working. ;)

Money.

There are just 2 or 3 more roadblocks. Logically I should be smelling money, imagining money. :) But I am not. I am just worried about my foreign trips, my kids, their education. ;)

Members of Parliament.

So today 11 of our MPs were shown to be corrupt. They have taken money to raise some questions in Parliament. I wish atleast 200 were found. They were idiots. Why should they be greedy for few thousands when they can and are making few crores atleast.
Each member gets 2 crores to spend every year. And some idiots recieve 10% commission on that amount. Apart from that, lobbying will always allow you to make more money. Still not happy. Go for some license, some contract, some arms peddling,.. S many options.
Yeah, there are few honest guys out there. Like communists. I have seen them lead very simple lives. I wish they come to power atleast once, though I have serious problem with their IQ and ideology.
Advani, Sonia... these people want us to believe that, they MPs got elected by spending within stipulated limits by Election Commission. Who's paying for campaign helicopters, full page adverts, Party office Buildings,...
I believe that atleast 80% of MPs are corrupt in one way or another. I don't mean to say everybody uses their public office to make money. But there is no way, they could have reached there through straight means. Some may no be daring/willing to use their position. But they still remain guilty for the company they keep.

Nostalgia.

I want to burn all my mistakes of past.
Save any good bits?
They don't seem good enough.
Wish we could stop.
I am a non believer.
I don't dare to hope.
Allow me.
I was being swept away.

A good day.

I had attended a marriage. And then had fun walking in some rock formations. Will be taking kids there soon. What else?
These days we (My girl & I) are worried about our second son. He doesn't know alphabets & digits yet. Ofcourse he is good at video games. (Midtown madness, Motocross madness, ultimate spiderman..) We didn't teach him the way we did to first one. And this kid doesn't like his school much. :(
So it's an ordeal everyday to send him to school. Ok, did I tell he's about 3.5 yrs old. :) So probably we have a bit more time before he gets out of hand. ;)
What else? I need lot of money. Don't ask me reasons. I lost lot of money in gambling. ;) Kidding apart, I am looking for a holiday. My passport got expired. Somebody solve my problems and I will be applying for some visa soon.

N+1 Collage.

Death of a friend.

He was jolly. He was methodical. He wanted me to be happy. He knew no age barriers. He was humble. He always had a great story / good joke to tell. He liked people. His dedication was unmatched. His sense of righteousness was worthy of emulation. He had great looks. He was a friend.
He was 63. I am 29. He wanted me to be at his funeral. What did I do to deserve such affection from him.
Sir, I will miss you.

ANDROGENETIC ALOPECIA

It means Hair loss or so I gather from some website.I guess Hair Loss must be one of most worrying things for most of males who crossed 25. I remember Andre agassi with great hair when I as kid. It is sad to see his bald head these days. No matter , how many girls try to convince me that Agassi is still hot, I refuse to believe that.
The other day I met my school friends.(Primary school) It was slightly uncomfortable to see each of them fat and with receding hairline.
Where do I stand? I am not fat yet. Except in the eyes of couple of jealous friends. ;) That doesn't mean I am muscular or anything like that. I just starve myself periodically to stay in the range of 73-76 kgs.
Let's talk about hair. A nightmare is when you have more hair on towel after shower than on your scalp. I am nowhere near that stage. But I see split ends, grey patches, weak hair and more than usual no of falling hair after each shower. Am I worried?
Let me come to that question later.
I gather that hair loss can be due to many reasons. Genetic, lack of protein, stress, chemotherapy, disease, ...
I can rule out most of causes. In my cases reasons boil out to be stress and lack of animal protein. (I am a vegan)
What should I do now? I can go for medicines available in US that prevent hair loss if not aid hair growth. Or I can add to my stress and aid hair loss. Negative spiral. :)
So what do I plan to do? Nothing. I still find no reasons to panic. I will consume more protein and reduce stress. ;)

J

Listen to me,
Ok, I will wait
Will just watch you
Give me hope
that I am worthy of your time.


I am skeptical
you make me believe
being an idiot I am
I keep testing you
you are a gift
I am unworthy of.

Kid, you are happy
I am not, Not able to connect to you
wish I were more capable.
wish I could hold all that energy in my range.
I have stupid things to do
wait for me, don't grow up in hurry.

AIDS.

What will it be like if you know , you are HIV+? I have seen 3 or 4 HIV+ persons. All of them died soon. Let me try to recollect something about them.

One was a car driver. He was young, very active, rash driver, ignorant, vain, .. He had fun. He used to pick up fights for smallest of reasons. He had pride in his driving. He had a small son and a nagging wife. (Probably with good reasons) Then one fine day, everybody came to know that he had AIDS. Everybody started shunning him. He begged for money. He wanted money for alternate treatment. Not sure, if he spent money on his treatment or drinking. Very soon he died , leaving behind his wife and small kid. Don't know what happened to them. I hope, they didn't contract the disease from him.

Another one was a truck driver aged around 40-45. He was a nice , gentle person. Don't know how he contracted HIV. People look at me with disbelief for not choosing the obvious reason. Prostitution. Quite possible. It's just that , I never could imagine him that way.

Another one was a mechanical worker. I don't kno much about him. I assumed that, he must have done something stupid to be suffering like this. Sad thing is his wife and newly born son too suffer from this. But I was wrong. I was told that, he is a nice person. Then how? He used to donate blood regularly. He was into social service. And this is what society rewarded him with. The other day, doctors wanted me to be ready to give blood to my girl. But groups didn't match. When I asked them to search for alternate donors. They told me not to bother looking for outside family. They say, it's too big a risk to ignore the possibility of infected blood getting into system through transfusion. :(
As my knowledge goes, 90% of Indian population have no access to reasonable health care in the event of fatal affliction like this.
What is it to be like being a hostage in dangerous situation, being a HIV+ patient, being a person born into disadvantaged class,....
For once, I hate my privileged existence.

Capital Punishment.

I was reading about death penalty to somebody who killed 4 people about 20 yrs ago in California. And I thought judiciary is slow in India. ;) It seems Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to hear clemency plea. And I thought he was having fun as Governor. :)
I always thought being judge is a very difficult thing. Yeah, there are set of rules(constitution) according to which each convict has to be treated. If it is the case, can we automate the whole process?
In India, Judges deliver judgement by saying "I believe/ I do not believe..) So is discretion allowed?
I know many cases where criminals were let off by loopholes in system, bad lawyers, corrupt judges. Another disturbing trend I observe (in India) is that, some innocent people are convicted because the opposite party is rich/powerful. When say innocent, it need not be absolutely innocent. I am talking about innocence relevant to the case.
How can anybody send somebody to jail for X years even when they know that, the guy is innocent? Are we so desperate for money? What will old aged judges do with all that ill gotten money? Buy real estate, jewelry, services of prostitutes,.. I wish I could kill all those corrupt serpents.
Coming back to capital punishment, do we have right to take life? Usual examples crop up. Rapists, psychos... Are we not responsible for such emergence of such characters. Don't we need to try to reform instead of eliminating all such persons.
Probably to reduce discussion about capital punishment to such a low level might not be right. I just hope there is an elegant solution for this tricky issue.
Capital punishment, being Vegan, Morality (wrt sexuality, discrimination, self preservation,..) , abortion,....Too many issues. :( :)

Junk.

All my thinking is derivative
I refuse to acknowledge that
I have seen better people in parts
but still long for you
don't know anything important
still conceit remains
can feel the sand slipping away
mirror becoming an awkward object
I know nothing helps.
"Viktor".

A lazy day.

Today I did no work. I just attended a pharma exhibition. Just for the heck of it. And then in the evening went to a books exhibition. (both along with a friend) I must say I had fun.
It was good to see hundreds of young people visitng pharma exhibition. That sight increased our confidence in future of India. ;) Book fair was even good. So many stalls, it will take atleast 2 days to browse all the stuff.
Stalls with themes, variety,.. And attendance was great. It was in a open ground, contrary to sort of fairs we see in what look like abandoned industrial sheds. I bought lots and lots of books. I wish I had more time.
But then, i must go back to my village. :)
Summary. It was a nice day.

Where is Donald H Rumsfeld?

I don't kno much about that guy. He is a hawk. He looks smart for his age. He wanted t bomb Alzazeera for it's approach or something similar. He used to be public face for Iraq war. But I don't see much of him these days. Not that I miss him.
Too much emphasis on personalities is bad. Bush is an idiot, Cheney is a hawkish, oild industry backed neo conservative, Rumsfeld is a tough talking hardliners, Manmohan Singh is a honest , economist, non political prime minister, .....So what?
Why are we associating destinies of societies to their leaders. No doubt leaders are important. But they are not all knowing, uber powerful, ultra precise individuals. They need assistance, they have their weaknesses apart from all super human heroic/ villain features they are attributed with.
What's my point? I forgot. :( :)

Virginity, Rating:A

A survey at an adult site had this question.
How many s**ual partners you had? (In a more crude language) Poll results go like this.

Virgins 32%
1 15%
2 9%
3-5 14%
5-10 10%
10-15 10%
>15 10%

I assume that most of visitors are males. I don't want to interpret percentages and appear as prude/pervert.

Another Laptop.

My room is home for 3 dead/old laptops, 1 desktop, 1 tablet pc. Don't ask me what I did with all that computing power. I have no answer. :)
Ok, issue now is my 2 sons are fighting over their laptop. Yeah, they have one, a better one than mine. (Now, please don't be jealous. We starve ourselves to afford laptops) ;)
Their Dell laptop is good in many aspects. Storage space, Video, Speed, Screen Size..
but has a very bad keyboard.
My 2nd son was able to pull 6 keys till now. (He does that whenever he is excited/ angry/ bored)
What's the way to prevent these fights?
Most obvious way. Buy another laptop.
I was reading about $400 laptops. I can afford slightly better speced machines. Perhaps 600-700$.
Chalo, friends, who's coming next to India? :) I am one demanding friend.
If any techies read this and want to suggest stuff like reviving old laptops, adding monitor, terminals,....Thankyou. Hope you got the message.